By Ewere Okonta
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www.ewereokontablog.org.ng
Walk into a church on Sunday, a mosque on Friday, an office on Monday morning, or a beer parlour on Saturday night, and you will meet men and women who are tired, but not because they worked too hard. They are exhausted because they are living lives they never ordered.
Look closely. The banker who wanted to be a writer. The lawyer who secretly loves music. The pastor who once dreamed of engineering. The trader who wanted to teach. The civil servant counting years to retirement but has never counted one fulfilled dream. Many are not lazy. Many are not stupid. Many are not unserious. They are simply living someone else’s dream, very often, their father’s.
Welcome to today’s uncomfortable sermon.
WHAT IS A DREAM?
A dream is not sleep fantasy.
A dream is not wishful thinking.
A dream is not what pays bills alone.
A dream is the inner picture of your purpose, the thing that pulls you even when nobody is clapping, the assignment that gives your life meaning, the work your soul recognises before your mouth explains it.
Dreams are not borrowed. They are discovered.
Yet, many people are walking around with dreams they inherited, imposed, transferred, or forced, especially from parents who failed to fulfil theirs.
THE FATHER FACTOR
Let’s be honest and controversial.
Some fathers don’t raise children; they raise second chances.
“I wanted to be a doctor, so you must be a doctor.”
“I couldn’t finish school, so you must finish for me.”
“I failed in politics, so you will succeed there.”
This sounds noble, but it is often selfish dressed in sacrifice.
A child is not a continuation of your frustration.
A child is not a repair tool for your regret.
A child is not a backup plan for your abandoned dream.
Many parents unknowingly turn their children into living memorials of failure.
WHY PEOPLE ABANDON THEIR OWN DREAMS
Beyond fathers, dreams die quietly through:
* Culturalisation: “In this family, we don’t do that.”
* Peer pressure: “Everybody is doing this, join us.”
* Survival pressure: Hunger can silence purpose.
* Social interactions: Living with people who mock your dream.
* Religion abuse: Calling fear “God’s will.”
Slowly, people forget what they once loved and learn what society applauds.
HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DREAM
Dream discovery is not mystical. It is practical.
Ask yourself:
1. What excites me even without money attached?
2. What problem angers me enough to want to fix it?
3. What do people naturally come to me for?
4. What did I love before pressure set in?
5. If fear was removed, what would I dare to pursue?
Dreams leave clues. We ignore them because they don’t look profitable at first.
HOW TO KNOW YOU ARE LIVING SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM
This is critical.
You may be living someone else’s dream if:
* You succeed publicly but feel empty privately
* You hate Mondays even when you’re “doing well”
* You need constant validation to stay motivated
* You keep saying “at least my parents are happy”
* You feel relieved not sad when work ends
* You fantasize about a different life daily
Fulfilment is the loudest evidence of alignment.
HOW TO PURSUE YOUR DREAM (WITHOUT BEING RECKLESS)
Dream pursuit is not rebellion; it is responsibility.
1. Start small, not stupid. Dreams grow.
2. Learn continuously. Ignorance kills vision.
3. Build skills, not noise.
4. Find mentors who live your dream.
5. Expect resistance especially from loved ones.
6. Be patient. Dreams are processes, not events.
Purpose does not excuse laziness. Passion needs discipline.
WHY DREAM ACTUALISATION MATTERS
On a personal level:
A fulfilled person is confident, healthy, and less bitter.
On a family level:
Dream-aligned parents raise emotionally balanced children, not frustrated adults.
On a societal level:
Nations fail not because of lack of talent, but because too many citizens are misplaced.
Imagine a country where teachers want to teach, leaders want to lead, doctors want to heal, and artists are not ashamed of art.
A WORD TO FATHERS (AND MOTHERS)
This is the altar call.
Your greatest legacy is not forcing your dream on your child, but helping them discover theirs.
* Observe, don’t impose
* Guide, don’t dictate
* Support, don’t suffocate
* Correct, don’t clone yourself
If your child’s dream scares you, it may be because it exposes the courage you never had.
Let them try.
Let them fail.
Let them grow.
Assist them to discover or rediscover who they are.
FINAL WORD
Some people die at 80.
Others die at 25 and are buried at 80.
The tragedy is not failure.
The tragedy is success in the wrong dream.
This Sunday, ask yourself honestly:
Whose dream am I living?
And if the answer is not yours, it’s time to wake up.
This is the Sunday sermon from my holy pulpit!
Ewere Okonta is the CEO of EOB Media. He is a family values advocate. He writes from the Department of Business Administration, University of Delta, Agbor.
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